I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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