Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
