when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
