Yo dont text me then not text me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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