she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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