Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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