i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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