i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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