Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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