so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
