I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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