i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
