maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
