I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
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Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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