hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
