I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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