Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
