we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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