I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
