my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who died my cat blue again?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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