I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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