that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
