Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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