Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You left your underwear on the fireplace
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
