The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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