I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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