i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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