she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
