: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
