so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
4 words: hood of his car
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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