I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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