yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
