i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
