hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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