There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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