i don't like sucking hair
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
