i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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