There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
