there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
