is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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