My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
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I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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