yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
