last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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