I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
