Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I could make wine with my vomit
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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