New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
