Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
