You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
