Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
