Screwed.edu
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
