i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
