what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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