normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
