I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
