What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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