Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
