new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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