I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
